Early in 2024, Nestlings Press will be unveiling a book entitled Imaginary Pets of Famous People — humorous verses with copious illustrations by Anthony Jenkins, one of the world’s best caricaturists.

Meanwhile, here is an animal poem of a different kind. I was asked to read something at the Toronto Arts & Letters Club’s festive lunch on Dec. 15 (2023), so I wrote the following, a takeoff on The Night Before Christmas. Here goes:

The Mouse Before Christmas

© 2023 Warren Clements

’Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the house,

Every creature was stirring

Because of a mouse.

He had eaten the turkey

And eaten the cheese

And hadn’t the manners

To say, If you please.

Mama in her kerchief,

Papa in his cap,

Went to room after room

Setting trap after trap.

The scratching and bustling

They heard in the wall

Gave signs that the mouse

Still had plenty of gall.

He’s eaten the popcorn,

I heard the folks say.

He’s eaten the candies

And even the tray.

Papa with his liquor,

Mama with her beer

Swore they heard a small snicker

From somewhere near here.

The traps were all set

With delectable treats

In hopes that the mouse,

In the course of his feats,

Would set a foot wrong

And wind up in their clutches.

If he weren’t polished off,

He’d at least be on crutches.

When what to their wondering ears did appear

But a curse of a sort it was quite rare to hear.

“Oh dash it, oh blast it,

O darn it, how vexing,

May Beelzebub bless them

With infinite hexing.”

Seems Santa had landed

All covered with soot

And stepped in a mouse trap

Which clung to his foot.

He reached for a table.

A trap was there too.

His gloves were in tatters.

His fingers were blue.

Extending a finger

But not by his nose,

He let the folks know

He considered them foes.

No presents for Mama,

And Papa gets zip.

They got none of the gifts

He had brought on his trip.

But he paused in the house

Ere he leapt out of sight –

And he gave the mouse a chunk of cheese, a jelly sandwich, a slice of pie and a block of peanut butter,

And he said to the mouse, Have a really good night.